How I practice self care

Hey guys!

I'm back (after a very long time) with another post on something which I have discovered in the last year or so, is extremely important when it comes to looking after myself for my physical and mental wellbeing. 

I wanted to share these tips with you now as I feel like I have finally realised the importance of consistency when it comes to self care, and how it can affect you. These things I used to do now and again, and I would see and feel the benefits of them, but now that I am doing them consistently, I cannot see myself going back due to the improvement that has been made in my life. 

Self care will likely mean something different to me than what it does to you, and that is absolutely fine. The point isn't to follow my exact self care habits, but to encourage you to discover what helps you to maintain and improve your physical and mental health. Saying that, you may read mine and feel that they would all really help you too! 

1) Establishing a good bedtime routine. 

A lot of parents bring their babies and children up with an established bedtime routine and child care experts are always preaching the importance of it. I've realised that it is also very beneficial in adulthood too. By having the same steps that I do daily to wind down and get ready for a night of sleep, it helps my body and mind to unwind and slow down. Different routines will suit different people and your bedtime routine will depend on your lifestyle. Mine includes having a hot night time herbal tea (pukka sleep), which I only drink as part of my night time routine, which again, this helps my body to recognise it is nearly time to sleep. 

2) Skincare. 

Skin care is such an important thing for me; I think the reason why is because it feels like pure indulgence. It's a few minutes in the day where you can do something purely for yourself and I think it's so lovely to have that as part of my every day routine. I have an AM skincare routine and a PM skincare routine. Some of my favourite skincare brands are Evelom, Elizabeth Arden, La Roche Posay and The Ordinary. 

3) Meditating.

I absolutely love meditating. From using meditation apps to following a guided meditation on YouTube or an in-person class, there are so many ways to enable you to it. The reason why I love it so much is because it is practising being still in a world that feels like it is constant. There is constantly new information from every angle; from incoming texts and news notifications on your phone to TV programmes, to conversations with people. I feel like it is very rare that people take the time to just sit and do nothing. The great thing about meditation is that you are not 'supposed' to try and  feel anything in particular. You're not aiming to feel relaxed or have a silent mind (although you may feel like this when you meditate- the point is, there its no right or wrong!), you are 'just being'. And that is amazing. No pressure, no aim. My favourites are the 'Calm' app and Christian Meditation YouTube videos. 

4) Scripture.

Reading scripture from the Bible is the first thing I do in the morning and the last thing I do before I go to sleep. If I get out of this routine, then I can really feel it. I become less patient, less forgiving, more anxious and more stressed. Reading scripture daily is really important because it is always fresh in my mind. It keeps me on track and it reminds me of who I am and what I am dong. This is the most important part of my self care routine. 

5) Reading.

My husbands go-to activity to wind down and chill out is watching the TV. He can't fall asleep without the tele on in the background (very irritating, although I've learned to live with it!); he always says his mind totally switches off when it's on and he stops thinking about work and everything else that's been on his mind that day. Reading is what gives me that escape. I find nothing more mentally relaxing than reading a good book where my mind can literally take me somewhere else. For me it is a real mental escape. My favourite authors are Sophie Kinsella, Carole Matthews and J.K Rowling. 

6) Setting Boundaries. 

I think setting boundaries is really important. I don't mean to no longer go out of your way to help other people etc, but to make sure that you aren't putting too much pressure on yourself that you end up making yourself stressed, ill or to the point where you don't have the time to give to yourself. I used to feel like I said yes to everything and I often felt like I was running on empty and using every scrap of energy that I had to help other people. As I just mentioned, I think it's really important to help other people and to indeed go out of your way to help others, but when it is to the point where you don't have the time or energy to give to yourself, that's a big no-no. Eventually you will get to a point where something has to change. That's why it is important to have some boundaries in place to protect yourself and also in order to be your best self to others! 

Lots of Love,

Yasmine x

My Story.

In honour of world mental health day recently, I want to do a post which is dedicated to that. This post exposes my deepest, darkest part of myself which I probably don’t think anyone knows the exact extent of what I was going through. And I’m doing this in the hope that it will save you or at least help you save someone else and spread some awareness.

 When I was 19 I was absolutely loving life. I used to go out, drink, I smoked weed everyday, dabbled with other drugs. That all came to an end when one night, I was with my friend having my usual joint. Out of nowhere I had a panic attack. I never really knew what they were but I just knew somehow that it must have been a panic attack. I remember feeling really scared and not really sure what was going on. The next day I didn’t really think much to it. I think I did decide not to smoke weed again, but that didn’t last long. A week or so later, again I had a joint after work at home on my own. I suddenly felt the same feelings and sensations of a panic attack again. I thought I was dying and really didn’t know what was wrong with me. I couldn’t think straight, strange thoughts were going through my head and I just felt like something terrible was happening to me and it was so scary. I called an ambulance and the woman on the phone was absolutely wonderful and stayed on the phone to me until the ambulance came. They arrived and were amazing. It was quite obvious from the smell that I had smoked a joint, but regardless they were lovely to me, no judgements. Unfortunately my heart rate was so high from the panic and it wouldn’t come down. I had to go in the ambulance to the hospital and have some tests to check everything was okay. My heart rate came down eventually and I could go home. That wasn’t the end of it though. 

Although I stopped smoking weed from that day and have never had a joint since, what I was left with was anxiety and panic disorder, which would later on lead to depression. To be honest, I didn’t discuss it a lot as I felt like I was weird, wasn’t sure if I was going insane and was afraid that people would judge me or I was embarrassed that I would have a panic attack in front of people. I would often have panic attacks at work brought on by the fact that I was panicking about panicking. It got to a point where I stopped going to work, couldn’t do certain social activities that felt too much like a ‘group’ situation (one of my triggers), I was a shell of my former bubbly, confident self. It brought me into depression as obviously all of this was having a toll on me and I felt so worthless and useless. I had many GP visits and was on medication such as sertraline or citalopram. The waiting list for therapy on the NHS was too long and I felt desperate, so I started having private therapy and CBT. My therapist was lovely, she was such an understanding lady and she helped me a lot. 

For about a year I was quite stable, in the sense that I didn’t have a panic attack. I would still avoid social activities that were a trigger to me and my confidence was literally zero. I honestly hated myself. I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling the way I was feeling. I knew the anxiety was all in my head and I found it so frustrating because I knew in reality there was nothing to be anxious about. I grew into deep, deep self pity and self loathe. Myself and my fiancé moved houses and I loved it and was so excited. A couple of days in, we were watching tv one night and having a couple of drinks in our new place and my fiancé Bert went to bed. I can’t explain what happened but I remember something just switching in my head. Looking back, I think it was a very sudden state of panic and anxiety which startled me as I hadn’t felt that in a long time. I’ve never dealt very well with change and moving house is probably what caused it. I went and woke Bert and told him I was having a panic attack. It was all a bit of a blur, but I remember calling 111 and telling them I didn’t feel safe. I remember getting massively uncomfortable thoughts about harming myself or other people and getting myself in more and more of a heightened state of panic. It just felt like one panic after the other. The scary thoughts were just coming thick and fast and I didn’t know what to do. 

I would say the next few months were the worst months of my life. My anxiety and depression were just horrible. I couldn’t cope with the messed up tangle in my head and I didn’t know where to start. I was so unhappy, I felt like there was no escape. The only escape I had was when I was asleep and sleeping was difficult because I was in such a constant state of panic and I found it so hard to relax. My anxiety was so out of control, I couldn’t even watch some tv programs anymore. I’ve always loved the walking dead but I had to stop watching it because it was giving me panic attacks! No joke, I had to have 2 days off work when Glen’s eye popped out of his head (if you know, you know). It’s ridiculous but it’s true. I just felt so weird all the time. So depersonalised, so abnormal and so hopeless. I got to a point where I was having suicidal thoughts and starting to contemplate it, which again would make me panic that I was having these thoughts, then the more I would panic, the more irrational my thoughts would become. I didn’t want to die, but I just didn’t want to live this way anymore. I wanted to get better and to be normal.

 I decided I needed to get help as I couldn’t do this anymore. I went back to the GP and just cried and cried and was literally clutching my head in my hands as my mind was whirring, I said to her I just can’t cope anymore. She put me back on citalopram which I promised myself I would take religiously everyday- I wasn’t very good at remembering to take them everyday previously. She also put me on Propranolol which is a beta blocker. These help to stop so much adrenaline going round your body, which in turn help to relieve the physical symptoms of anxiety. The less physical symptoms you have, the less mental you will have as they are linked. Of course these aren’t a long term fix- but they certainly helped give me some relief whilst I started to begin getting myself in a better place. The GP also referred me to Time To Talk- again, the waiting list for one to one therapy was long and I wasn’t prepared to wait. I had a couple of consultations with private therapists and found a lady I absolutely love talking with. She’s so level headed and empathetic and as soon as I had my first meeting with her, I remember coming away feeling just a tiny bit of hope, which I hadn’t felt in what felt like a very long time. Of course, doing all of this wasn’t plain sailing. There were times where I would feel okay for a couple of weeks so wasn’t sure wether I actually needed therapy; only for me to be back at square one again and cursing myself for letting myself get to a bad place again. What I didn’t realise was that I needed to talk and face my anxiety, not try and push it away. 

Over the course of the next year, I was having regular therapy sessions, I started a new job which I was much happier at, I learnt to love myself and I found help in God. There have been times over the last year and a bit that I have felt like I’ve made no progress. If I was to draw my progress on a chart, it would not be one smooth line going diagonally up, it would be very jagged with lots of ups and downs but it would be going in the right direction. I have learnt that facing my anxiety and allowing myself to feel these feelings and not push away thoughts are the key to overcoming them. I’ve always learnt that they do not last forever. I feel hope again and I feel happiness. I feel like I was dragged through a hedge backwards and stamped on by anxiety, depression, panic, hatred and everything negative, but I have got through it. I can honestly genuinely say that I am strong. Yes, I still have anxiety. But It lives alongside my happiness, my love and my confidence. It is also a lot smaller. It makes me so so sad to think I was at a point where I really was starting to contemplate that it would be much easier if I wasn’t here. And so many people make the decision to take their own lives because they cannot cope anymore. They are so tired of fighting and just don’t want to do it anymore. But suicide and self hatred is NOT the answer. There IS help and there IS hope. You can learn to manage mental health illnesses and there is thousands of other people that are going through the same things as you. No matter how weird your symptoms or thoughts are, believe me, someone else has thought it too. Just take that first step. Go to your GP. Talk to a trusted family member or friend. See a therapist. It is SO important to look after our minds and take time for self care. So please, if you are suffering, even at the complete end of your tether, there is a way. I promise you. 

Lots of love, 

Yasmine x 

https://www.samaritans.org

https://www.amazon.co.uk/At-Last-Life-Paul-David/dp/0956948103

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/#.W8JSCRYo-aM

How I cope with an Anxiety relapse..

Sometimes I get days like today when I feel like I’ve gone back to square one. Like all of my hard work is pointless because my mind doesn’t feel healthy today. The familiar feelings of dread are in the pit of my stomach and the thoughts are rushing through my head thick and fast.

Learning to live and cope with anxiety is challenging and it’s a journey. The good thing is, as time goes on and the more relapses I experience, the more I learn about how to deal with them and I’ve found because of this, usually each one tends to pass more quickly than the last.

First thing I do is not panic that I am feeling Anxiety again. This is an absolute golden rule I have learnt to live by with anxiety. Fear and panic fuel anxiety, so the minute you start to worry the worse your symptoms will get. Ever had a panic attack? Yeah, you’ll know what I mean. I understood this once I read ‘At last a life- panic and anxiety free’ by Paul David. I have recommended this book in a previous blog post and I will mention it again. And again. For the rest of my life because I truly feel like this book saved me (I will link it below!).

As an anxiety sufferer, I am very much aware that one symptom of anxiety is over thinking and catastrophizing. I tend to do this when the familiar thoughts and feelings of anxiety occur. Rather than seeing them for what they actually are; just a thought or a feeling, my mind and body go into fight or flight mode and my mind will start to try and ‘fix’ it. I’ve learnt to just ‘let it be’ rather than attempting to fix it or change it because I am so much happier this way and it also breaks the thought cycle. I am not in a constant mental battle and that is so relieving. A bad day is a bad day, not a bad life!

If my symptoms seem to be lingering around for a while with little or no improvement or I’m finding them unmanageable, I try to recognise if there could be something that is triggering it and 9 times out of 10, there is! I have a therapist that I have monthly sessions with; one thing I do if I’m having a relapse is up my sessions to weekly until I’m feeling more stable. I can’t explain how much therapy has helped me. Anxiety has made me somewhat an introvert so talking about how I feel does not come naturally to me as much as it used to; however, I find having someone completely platonic and actually educated on anxiety and all of its nasty little symptoms is the most relieving, refreshing feeling ever!

Another goodie I’ve learnt is to ‘trust your body’s healing process’. We have the most incredible, wonderful bodies. When we graze our knee our bodies form a scan by the blood clotting, which then heals. When I relapse, I’ve realised that it is what my body needs to do at this moment in time. I might not like it but I need to give my mind the time and space that it needs. Anxiety is a condition
and once you understand your symptoms it all becomes a lot less scary! I try not to fight against the symptoms, but instead to go with it and just let my body do it’s thing.

Lastly and very importantly, I do not let myself feel ashamed. There have been times in my life when I have hated myself and truly thought that I wasn’t worth that much. That only added to my pain and made my life a lot harder than it needed to be. I make sure I am kind to myself and take extra care of myself during these relapses; an extra massage here, a new dress there. Come on, I am worth it 😉 I also inform my loved ones on what’s going on with me. It is good for them to know as it provides me with a whole support system.

I truly hope this helps someone and please remember my door is always open! Let’s smile, we got this!

Love Yasmine x

https://www.amazon.co.uk/At-Last-Life-Paul-David/dp/0956948103

How to plan a Hen Do

Hello lovelies!

So, I thought I would do a little post to help any fellow brides out there or anyone who's planning a loved ones hen for them. I'm getting married in December this year (AHHHH!) so I'm currently about halfway through planning my hen, along with some help from my Maid of Honour Laura and my mum- I'm a bit of a control freak/perfectionist when it comes to things like this- I want to make sure things are how I imagine and to make it as special for everyone as I can. Obviously some elements of it are a surprise to me, but I love planning and using my imagination so I find it difficult to keep away hahaa!

 Planning a hen can be daunting- firstly, my friends and I struggle to organise a blooming cup of tea together- so finding a date or dates when everyone is free would be a good place to start. I would start this as far in advance as possible; this gives people a chance to make any arrangements they may need to such as booking off annual leave, arranging childcare etc.

Deciding what you want to do..
So what my mum did was make a Facebook group with all the hens in it, explaining that we were beginning to plan the hen. This is great cos it creates a space where everyone can throw some ideas around and keep up to date. My mum listed some possible places where I wanted to go for my hen; I also decided very early on that I wanted a weekend away rather than a night out- much more my style! I would suggest having a base idea then allowing everyone to elaborate and make suggestions- 8 minds are better than one! I'd also pick somewhere which is relative to what you want to do on your hen- for example, If shopping and good restaurants is your thing, go for a city! If it's sightseeing, somewhere like central London where there are plenty of landmarks and sights to explore. If you want a crazy night out, Ibiza or Newcastle would do the trick.

Decide who you are going to invite..
For me personally, I've decided that on my Hen I want my close friends (who are all my bridesmaids, including my auntie!) and my mum. The advantage of this is that everyone already knows each other and have done for years. To me, I want my hen to be a weekend away tbo remember with all my nearest and dearest and that is the best thing I could possibly ask for. The fact that everyone that is on the Hen is in the wedding party is also a big plus! We can plan, get excited and everyone has a role! I've also got quite a tight circle- everyone that I've invited is truly everyone that I want there. There are 2 others that I would love there but sadly can't make it- my sister in law Nicole has just give birth to my little niece and she will only be 3 months old on the hen! The other person is my mother in law to be, June; however much I would love her there, I know a weekend away isn't the kind of thing she would enjoy and has a lot of stuff to tend to at her home. I am arranging separate little Hen days with them instead so we can still celebrate together 😊 I would strongly suggest when you are deciding who to invite that you make the decision yourself. Remember this is your Hen party and your wedding so you should have your way!

Deciding on Accomodation and Transport..
The accomodation has been the biggest and one of the most important factors to me whilst planning my Hen! As I mentioned earlier, I'm not a massive clubbing girl- I want more of a chilled out, takeaway and prosecco Hen! This meant that the accommodation had to tick all the boxes for me; look cosy, have enough sofa space for us all to films, chat and socialise, have comfy beds and a good location with easy access to public transport. Thankfully I've managed to find this, but not without hours of scouring through the internet for the perfect place! When your searching for accommodation, a big tip I would recommend is looking on Air B&B (I will link it down below!). It is a great website where people rent out their houses, flats, apartments etc for great prices! It's easy to use and you can edit the search to suit your needs. There is a description of each property and reviews from other air b&b users that have stayed there. Everyone who uses it are safe; all payments are protected and air b&b do lots of checks (you can read more about it on air b&b's safety page). As well as my Hen accommodation, I've booked accommodation through air b&b for my last 2 holidays to Thailand and our upcoming honeymoon accommodation!

Plan Activities and book things in advance..
Once you've planned the kind of things you want to do on your Hen do, research, research, research! You can get so much inspiration from blogs, websites, recommendations from friends, looking on trip adviser- the sources are endless! There are even dedicated websites which actually do the planning for you- my brother is currently planning his best friends stag using one called Chilli Sauce- il link it below! Book things in advance to ensure you get your places and this also creates some structure to the Hen too. Personally, I'm not packing too much into the weekend as I want some freedom as well  but I've got our final night dinner restaurant booked, flights, accommodation and a couple of other things! One thing to stay mindful of is your budget and keep it affordable for all of your hens, which brings me into my next point..

Payment Plan!
If your hen party/weekend is costing more than your average person can afford in a lump sum, a good way to get around this is to arrange and make a payment plan. This has been such a good way to ensure everybody can come to the hen and it ensures nobody is panicking trying to get money together last minute or making themselves skint! I told everyone the cost per person and divided that into 5, so it will be paid off over the duration of 5 months. A lot of my hen’s have commented on how easy it has made it and they haven't felt like they are low on money which is great!

Lovely Little Extra's..
Sometime's just a couple of extra little details makes all the difference in the world. Whilst planning your hen, be sure to leave some money in the budget to have some lovely little extra's that your hen's will love! I've used some of the budget to purchase personalised t shirts with all of our names and wedding party roles on the back- a lovely little keepsake that can be used afterwards and will be a reminder of the hen do antics. Along with these, I've purchased sash's, a couple of drinking games and some silly selfie props! All cheap items which just help make a hen a Hen.

I really hope this post has helped you out, happy hen planning!

Love Yasmine x

Air BnB- https://www.airbnb.co.uk/
Personalised hangers made by Wiggles & Boo on Facebook

BOOKS THAT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD

                                               

Hey everyone!

Welcome back to my blog! Today  I thought I would tell you  about some incredible books that I’ve read over the years, some recent and some literally ages ago. These are books that I would recommend to someone that loves mindfulness or self improvement, or just a general laugh out loud cosy read to help them forget a stressful day :)

I've love reading and always have since I was a little girl. I've always found it so relaxing and I love the way it literally makes you forget everything, no matter what your going through in reality. I could be having the most sleepless night, or the most stressful, anxious day and reading a decent book just makes me forget my troubles and will guarantee to give me relief from any anxious mind.

I'm  going to tell you about a book which isquite possibly my favourite book in the world. I remember first reading this when I was maybe around 12 or 13, I think I got it from a charity shop or the library. It is the first one of the 'shopaholic' series by Sophie Kinsella, my all time favourite author. The only way I can describe this book, and the rest of the series, is just hilarious, light-hearted, easy reading that is so cleverly put together. Sophie has a way of writing so wonderfully, her books are just like a comforting cup of tea, or your mums roast dinner. They are just cosy, heart warming and settling. The series is about a twenty something year old named Becky Bloomwood. She is irresponsible, trying to find love, hide from her debts and buy quite possibly everything ever made in her favourite designer store Octagon, all at the same time. You will fall in love with her, laugh with her and cry with her. I'm telling you now, I still read these books and I still will when I'm a little old lady! Whenever I need a good reliable holiday read or want something that's just gonna cheer me up, this is my go to. I hope some of you guys will give this a chance and will love Becky as much as I do!

Another book I want to tell you about that has honestly changed my life is 'Being Happy' by Andrew Matthews. I can truly remember reading this book being a turning point in my life which has actually stuck. It was almost like an epiphany, it made something click in my head and gain back a piece of myself. Along with other things, this book was the start of my journey to getting out of the endless anxiety circle I was in inside my head and realise I was still a strong person and my anxiety did not have to define me anymore if I didn't want it to! It's basically the most therapeutic, confidence boosting, hope bringing book I've ever read. It reminds you of who you are, no matter what has happened to you and that you hold the power to your own happiness. It teaches you of how powerful the mind is and if used in the right way, you can learn to bring yourself happiness and joy and appreciate everything and everyone that you already have. Truly a life changer! I hope you guys can gain some smiles with this one!


Something I wanted to mention is the Bible. Whether you're religious or not, and I'm not trying to get you all to a Sunday service or bible studies, its just that I personally found this the biggest help of all. I remember my Nannan telling me that years ago she got depression. After some time she just took to her bed for two weeks and she read the Bible and she got better. When I was in a desperate, dark place I started to read the bible and it really helped me. There was something comforting about it and it made me remember that God is always there for me. You can get a free app called Bible app which makes it a lot easier as it has the ability to read it out to you and you can pick different translations to suit you. Sometimes I think we can all get caught up in every day stressful situations or  give far too much time worrying about things that in hindsight, don't actually matter that much. For me, reading the bible reminds me of what's important and gives me a sense of peace.

I hope you've all enjoyed this post and if you want any help or some more recommendations just post a comment! 😊

Much love,
Yasmine x

Things to do when you're having a bad day..

Hey guys.
I thought I would do a post on this in an effort to help others, because today I am having an awful day and have done some things to just make this day that little bit easier. Today it feels like everything is getting on top of me, I feel irritable, like everyone around me is going out of they're way to wind me up and like I just wanna go to bed and have a fresh start tomorrow. It just feels like one of them days when it's one thing after another and I can't quite hold it together. Here's some things I did today and some tips for you which can help you if your having one of these days:-

1-
Go about your normal day.
Even though sometimes this may seem impossible, going about your normal day and doing what you already had planned can be really helpful. It can distract you from thinking about all the inconvenient things which have happened to you, and if your day includes seeing a friend or a loved one, this could really pick you up.

2-
Have some time to yourself.
This could be anything that you love. For me, that was snuggling on the sofa watching YouTube on my iPad with one of my favourite scented candles burning. By making sure I allocated some time to myself, it allowed me to have some enjoyment out of the day, even if overall it wasn't the greatest of days.

3-
Getting some fresh air and some peace.
When things are really taking their toll on me, sometimes I feel like I just need to have some space and get out of the house for a bit. When I'm feeling like that, I get in my car and drive to the top of the downs, near where I live. There's something about the peace and stillness of it which calms me down and helps me to get everything into perspective. Having a place like that, somewhere where you can get some peace and clarity can be really helpful.

4-
Writing down your thoughts.
I don't know about you, but whenever I write things down I can suddenly see things in a different way or a different light. It almost has a similar affect to the tip above; it gives me some clarity. I've always found this really really helpful and when my anxiety was at its worst, keeping a thoughts journal definitely helped, as it creates an 'unloading' affect, sort of like talking through a problem with someone.

5-
Having a bath.
Ahhhh. There's nothing more relaxing then running a bath, putting in your favourite bath cream or lush bath bomb and having a good old long soak. You can read a book, listen to some music or a podcast and just feel your troubles drifting away. This is something I've done since I was younger, grabbing a good book (usually a Sophie Kinsella), and dipping into a calming, lavender scented bath. It doesn't even have to be long, just a 10-15 minute soak could make the world of difference.

I hope you all find something useful from these tips and il see you all in my next blog post!

Yasmine x

Finally beating anxiety and depression!

I wanted this to be one of the first blog posts that I did. This is because I want to tell the story and want others to see my progress to give them the confidence in themselves and see that they too can progress! If we rewound to even 6-7 months ago I was a completely different person to how I am now. It’s actually scary to think how much can change in such a short amount of time. Back then, I  was quite possibly at my worst, mentally. I was pretty much bed bound- I did try to go work and did go a lot of days. But not without great difficulty. A normal day for me consisted of constant panicky symptoms- a racing heart, sweaty palms & a head on my shoulders which I couldn’t make sense of. Every thought that came into my head seemed more scary than the last and I just felt terrified all the time. My head didn’t really make sense a lot of the time and I convinced myself that there was something majorly wrong with me. I became more and more withdrawn, and just felt numb. I stopped laughing. I didn’t have a proper bellyache laughing moment for such a long time- which looking back, is actually really sad. I lost all my confidence. I didn’t like myself, I couldn’t accept what was happening to me and would constantly be arguing all the irrational thoughts in my head- it was truly exhausting. I became quite depersonalised, almost feeling like I was in a trance or my own bubble, which made it difficult to communicate with people. I got to a point where I didn’t really see the point of life anymore; I felt like a constant victim of myself. It almost made it worse that it was something that was happening in my own head because I felt like that was something I should have control over- I just went into self pity and went into a deep depression.

Despite all of this happening, I still continued to try and see my friends, go to work & leave the house. It was hard because the only place I felt a little bit safe was in bed. No one could judge me there & no one could see what a weirdo I was. That’s how I used to think, it was like a self hatred. In front of other people, I put on a front. I was quite open with talking about what I was going through but there are very very few people that saw me in the midst of a panic attack or crying frustrated tears. In fact, the only person that often saw me like that was my other half, Bert. He continued to cuddle me through it all, to try and soothe me and make me feel better and he really and truly kept me going. He didn’t really understand it so I know he found it difficult to know wether he was doing or saying the right thing, but I didn’t really need him to say anything, just him being there was enough and I will forever be grateful for that.

I don't know why I got anxiety, I just had a panic attack one day when I was 19. Just a normal, actually very confident 19 year old! I was very care free & happy. It's just one of those things, it happens, its life.

Now I've told the depressing bit, and I've never really gone into it in that much detail. It feels very exhilarating! I wanna give some tips on what I've done to overcome my anxiety and depression. What works for someone might not work for another person, but the key is to NEVER GIVE UP! Never let even the worst of your days take you- fall down seven times, stand up 8. So without further ado, here's some things that have helped me:

- Telling a family member, friend or someone you feel comfortable with what you are going through
- Getting medical help from a G.P
- Seeing a therapist
- Taking anti-anxiety medication
- Reading self help books
- Meditation
- Doing things that I enjoy such as reading or watching my favourite youtubers
- Talking through what was happening
- Attending church
- Changing my attitude towards myself

Now I'm absolutely no doctor or therapist. Everyone is different but I just wanna get the point across that things DO get better. I know it's the most exhausting thing in the world when you feel like there is no way out and no light at the end of the tunnel, but there is. It takes perseverance, and it's really not easy. Some days you feel back at square one. It can be a very long process. I read a book that  really helped me and I've recommended it to a couple of people who love it! It's called 'Being Happy' by Andrew Matthews, I will link it down below.

I hope this post has been of use to someone. If you ever feel you need a chat, drop me a message. I'm not sure if my anxiety will ever go away, but I actually don't care anymore. I've learnt to enjoy life again and am growing my confidence back and that to me is worth the world 😊

Yasmine x

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Being-Happy-Handbook-Confidence-Security/dp/9810006640